{Project Be}

I’m thinking of taking on a big personal project.  And by big, I mean quite BIG.  It would be at least a yearlong project, and the amount of work would be insanely huge, but the reward would be even larger.  It would require extreme self-discipline and a lot of time commitment.  But it would be incredibly fun and exciting.  I would be forced to grow and change physically, mentally, spiritually, and creatively.  I would be healthier and stronger and happier from it.  I would have a truer sense of who I am, upon finishing.   Is it a little crazy? Maybe.  Am I jumping in without knowing exactly how I will finish or where it will take me?  Absolutely.

What is this project?  It is a set of New Year’s Resolutions.  On Steroids.  A total immersion course on Suzanne’s Passions and Interests.  It is a road to self-discovery.  It is the fire burning inside of me.  It is the voice in the back of my head that asks, “What would it be like to…?”.  It is a compulsive need to constantly rearrange my life, from my living room furniture to the colors on my blog.  It is me being me, a hopeless, heartfelt dreamer bouncing from one project to the next, trying to be the person I’ve always wanted to be.

Does that make sense?  Not really, right?  Okay.  Stay with me and I’ll try to explain.

I recently read that the years between 20 and 40 years old are commonly spent discovering who you are.  If that’s true, I’m just over half way there; but honestly, I have no clue.  I’m starting to get an idea, I think.  But I’ve barely scratched the surface.  I’m still searching.  I have so many interests and passions.  I never know which one to pursue first.  I had always assumed that at some point I was just going to know who I was, that I’d have all things in my life figured out, and be able to just sit back and do them.  I wouldn’t be searching, I’d just be doing what it is that I am supposed to do.  Doing what I do well.  That day hasn’t come.  And I’m tired of waiting for it.

I’ve realized that I’m not ever going to finish becoming Suzanne.  But I can come closer to being the person I want to be, the person I dream about being.  I don’t think I’ll ever just sit back and be one person.  I’ll never stop changing or wanting to learn and grow.  I’ll never have it all figured out.  I have so much to learn, so much to do.  I don’t think I’m ready to “find myself” because I’m too busy creating myself, trying new hats every day.  I want to take risks, get out there and fail and succeed, and learn along the way.  I want to be silly.  I want to have fun.  And I want to be me.

So.  How will I do this?  By immersing myself in each and every one of my “what if’s” and passions, one at a time, until I am satisfied.   I’m going to try and wear a different hat every month – figuratively speaking.  Although, my wardrobe could use a change, so maybe quite literally as well.  Sounds simple, right?  The hardest part for me is going to be the “one at a time” thing.  I am SO not good at that.

Here are a few of the things I want to tackle, try out, do more of, incorporate into my life, or learn.

In no particular order:

Yoga.  The Vegan Diet.  A self makeover.

Poetry.  Writing.  Sewing.  Graphic Design.

Gardening.  Composting.  Being a better teacher to my children.

Living greener.  Upcycling.  Adobe Photoshop.

Photography.  Eating “package food” – free

Homeopathy.  Philanthropy.  Running.

Spirituality.  Frugality. Creativity with the kids.

That’s just an idea.  I’ll be researching, practicing, and sharing everything as I go along my journey.  I’d like to say there will be structure.  Order.  A plan, at least.  I will try.  Normally, if I write up a plan, I’ll change my mind the next day.  (I’ve already written up two plans and completely erased them.)  I can’t help it.  I just don’t follow my own rules.  I don’t follow anyone’s rules, for that matter.  I can only follow my heart.  I can only be me.  Which is why I’m calling this project “Project BE”.

Want to join me?  Make a list of all of the things you are interested in, everything you want to try or learn more about, and all your passions you hold back on.  Figure out how much free time you have per day, week, or month (even if it’s just 10 minutes) and decide on a set period of time to dedicate yourself to each one.  Spend time planning, if you want, or just jump right in and give it a go!

I hope to start by January or earlier.  But first, I have to finish up my to do list – everything I’ve been putting off doing for the last year – and get through the holidays.  And hopefully I can spend some time planning outlining my ideas for this project.

I hope I’ve inspired you just a little bit today!