Exposed.
I am probably going to regret this post the second I hit publish. In fact, I don’t even know if I will hit publish. Will. Be.. Brave… Here goes!
As mothers, we tend to focus solely on our husbands and children, and as photographers, we are ALWAYS behind the camera. Needless to say, there are very few photos of myself in the masses of digital files buried on our computer, except for the moments Ryan sweetly grabs the camera and makes a point to get some pictures of me with the boys. I do love that about him!
I have been making a point lately to dress like a girl. I don’t know what happened to me over the last couple years, but i assume it is nothing other than the 180 degree shift into motherhood that crowded out my ability and desire to look “pretty” on a daily basis. Makeup went out the window when I quit my job, dressy shoes when my pregnant belly affected my stability. I stopped wearing jewelry when it scratched my baby, and again when he started trying to eat it. Lately I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror and seeing messy hair, wrinkles, and circles under my eyes. I feel old and tired. While I’m making steps in my life to improve my health, this image in the mirror makes me want to make an effort on the outside as well.
At just the right time, this came along. Inspired by Melissa‘s challenge, and in addition to following along with her and her readers, I’m giving myself the extra couple minutes to pick out something pretty, whether a whole outfit or just adding a piece of jewelry to my t shirt and jeans.
So what am I getting to here? Last week, Maegan’s Creativity Boot Camp included an assignment for a self portrait. This. was. not. an. easy. assignment. I probably deleted about 95% of the photos I took of myself. I deleted wrinkles and harried expressions, half closed eyes and bulging body parts. Pointing the camera at myself, I didn’t know where to look, how to shape my body. I longed to pull a child in my lap, to take the focus off of me, to hide a little of myself in these baring pictures, but they were both sleeping soundly in their beds. I had no choice but to simply find the light, and just go with it. Thanks Maegan, for pushing me out of my comfort zone and making me do this. Here are my “best” shots. I am working on blocking out my self critic, and am blushing at the thought of hitting publish.
8 Comments
Jenny
These are such pretty pictures! I know how hard it can be to look at pictures of yourself. I feel like I NEVER look good in pictures. I can only appreciate them when I look back on them years later.
Suzanne
Thanks Jenny! I’m fighting the urge to take this down. But I won’t. 🙂 In the hotel at disneyland, while Nathan is sleeping…. nothing to do but blog in the dark!
Cindy @ This Adventure, Our Life
You are a beautiful person inside and out. You are an excellent mom also. We need a pampering because I too feel the same… I look at myself and I am like “blah”…ugh…. but I love my baby and right now she is what I put my energy to…maybe a couple hours of pampering here and there could not hurt us, right?? I love the first photo, you are a beautiful friend. <3
Suzanne
Thank you Cindy, you are so sweet. You are a beautiful mommy as well! We all deserve a little time for ourselves, right? It’s just hard to actually do it. 🙂
Tat
You’ve got some shots shots there! I only kept one, deleted everything else. But I’ll have to revisit this assignment soon. I rushed it a bit, because my daughter woke up from her nap a bit early.
And I know what you mean by always being behind the camera. Can you believe it that the picture on my About page was taken by my then-2-year-old son?
Suzanne
Too funny! I need to get my boys to take some of me. 🙂
Ann
Loved this blog and the daring to be you photo shots. You are beautiful sans makeup and your soul shines through whatever you wear. Keep it up girl. Your grandmother is proud of you.
Laura
These are beautiful pics! Good job! I feel the same way about pictures – I use the camera as an excuse not to be in them! Just this past weekend I was taking pics of the kids and a friend offered to take pics of me with the kids and but I turned her down….I know, bad momma!